Personal Growth

damn…Why does it often feel like an uphill battle to make time for Self-Care?

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

Self-care is crucial—we all know that! So why does it often feel like an uphill battle to make time for it? Swipe left to find out why.

Speaking for myself, I can absolutely relate as a highly sensitive INFJ woman  running a coaching business while working as a trauma therapist, all why trying to be a good partner/ mom/ friend … not to forget the cooking, cleaning AND carving out time for myself to reflect and recharge. It can be a lot ! 

But today, let’s flip the script and make a change. Together.

The simple truth is...

Understanding the “why” behind the struggle is the first step toward making meaningful changes. 

So let’s dive into some reasons why we might struggle with self-care and how we can gently weave it into our lives.

#1: We're Tired

As deep feelers, you and I often push ourselves to the limit. 

This can lead to exhaustion, creating a vicious cycle where we’re too tired to practice self-care. Breaking this cycle is crucial. 

When I find myself in this place I start with small steps to rest and recharge. 

What about having a 10-minute ‘nothing break’ or a solo nature walk during your lunch break? 

Give it a try. Your future self will thank you.

#2: Overthinking & Perfectionism

Do you often go from deep thinking to overthinking and aiming for perfection?

Yeap, that’s me sometimes too… I call it  introspective nature .

You might think that if we can’t do self-care “perfectly” (the way some gurus order it), it’s not worth doing at all. 

Listen… there is no right or wrong way to practice self-care. If it feels right to you, it is perfectly done right! It’s about finding what nourishes you, even in small doses.

#3: Prioritizing Others

Hands on heart, if you are like me, you probably know this well –  the tendency to prioritize others’ needs over our own. 

While being empathetic is our strength, it’s essential to recognize that we deserve care and attention too. 

Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary…. Or in the words of a very wise soul:

Self-care is how you take your power back.

Lalah Delia

Feeling Overwhelmed ?

This fast-paced world is stressful. Add the tons of responsibilities we juggle, and being an empath sometimes adds a sour cherry on top. We crave solitude to recharge yet find so little room for self-care. 

My secret: Simplify your self-care routine. Don’t have the time or energy for a 40-minute yoga flow? Okay, sit down and journal or do a sun salutation. Find what feels good to you. That’s what matters most.

Have you ever struggled with feelings of guilt or questioned your worthiness when it comes to taking time for yourself? Welcome to the club, my dear! You are not alone… it happens to me too. 

But here’s a gentle reminder: WE are worthy of self-care time. 

Think of it this way: If we are giving and performing from a place of overflowing energy, instead of acting from a half-full cup, that’s when we are giving and performing at our best!

Self-care is not a luxury. It’s a lifeline that keeps you and me grounded, energized, and resilient.

with love & respect, MrsBimako

↓ ↓ ↓

𝗛𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘂𝗽… Take a moment today to commit to ONE small act of self-care. Whether it’s a quiet walk in nature, a few minutes of journaling, or simply breathing deeply, make that promise to yourself. 

You deserve it.

damn…Why does it often feel like an uphill battle to make time for Self-Care? Read More »

The Science Behind Positive Self-Talk

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

Let’s me be crystal clear on this with you: Positive Selftalk isn’t just about feel-good affirmations; it’s rooted in science and can profoundly impact our mental and physical well-being.

Back in 1937, Napoleon Hill penned a revolutionary book, Think and Grow Rich. Hill proposed that success starts from within, with our mindset serving as the cornerstone. He believed that by cultivating the right mindset and following specific principles about success, money, and life, we could think ourselves into abundance. While groundbreaking at the time, it took years for science to catch up and validate these concepts.

For the longest time, the idea that our thoughts could shape our reality seemed like whimsical thinking. Yet, recent studies have shown that our self-talk—whether positive or negative—significantly impacts our mental and physical health. More astonishingly, our growth, development, and success are deeply connected to how we think and what we tell ourselves.

But How Does This Work?

A fascinating study at the University of North Carolina asked participants to respond to various stimuli. The results were illuminating. Those who experienced positive emotions saw possibilities and solutions that eluded those with negative or neutral reactions. 

Positive experiences enhanced problem-solving abilities and fostered a greater capacity to navigate challenging situations! 

Now, imagine applying this to our inner dialogue. Engaging in positive self-talk isn’t just about lifting our spirits; it’s about unlocking our potential to see opportunities and take meaningful action. This mindset helps us build new skills and gather resources for future endeavors.

The Impact on State of Mind

Positive self-talk does more than solve problems—it transforms our entire state of being. By nurturing an optimistic inner dialogue, we cultivate a mindset that sees the big picture and develops the resources to turn dreams into reality. This growth fosters greater joy and contentment.

The study also revealed that positive individuals are more likely to experience happiness and fulfillment. In essence, positive self-talk paves the way to a happier, more content life.

These studies are just the tip of the iceberg, but they clearly demonstrate the power of our self-talk. So, next time you catch yourself doubting your abilities or criticizing yourself for a mistake, pause. Let’s transform that criticism into constructive encouragement. Together.

Your future success and well-being depend on it.

Putting Positive Self-Talk into Action

Here are some tips to help you cultivate positive self-talk:

  1. Awareness: Start by becoming aware of your inner dialogue. Notice when you’re being hard on yourself or engaging in negative self-talk.
  2. Reframe: When you catch a negative thought, try to reframe it into something positive or constructive. For example, instead of thinking, “I can’t do this,” say, “I’m learning and growing every day.”
  3. Affirmations: Create a list of positive affirmations that resonate with you. Repeat them daily to reinforce a positive mindset.
  4. Compassion: Be gentle with yourself. Remember, we are all works in progress, and self-compassion is key to growth.
  5. Visualization: Visualize your goals and dreams. See yourself achieving them and feel the emotions associated with your success.

Final Thoughts...

Remember, we have the power to create change within ourselves. Even the smallest positive change can catalyze a meaningful transformation. As the beloved Oprah Winfrey once said…

The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude.

Let’s embrace the journey of positive self-talk and watch as it transforms our lives. You have the strength within to spark incredible transformation. And you are worth it.

with love & respect,

If you’d like to receive my free “Thought Challenging Diary” to get rid of self-critical thoughts … or my “Gratitude Log” to keep an positive & optimistic outlook every day … Let me know. I am here to help.

PS:  I’d love to hear from you. Share your insights, experiences and questions in the comments below!

WAIT A MOMENT: Are we friends on Instagram already? No? Meet me there! 

( Got questions but want to keep it private? Click this link and let’s have a chat )

The Science Behind Positive Self-Talk Read More »

The Art of Time Management for the Sensitive and Deep-Thinking Woman

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

A Guide for The High-Performing Woman Who Feels Like There’s Never Enough Time for HERSELF.

The simple truth is mastering your schedule can feel like an uphill battle between your ambition and your need for self-care, right?  Juggling multiple responsibilities while striving for professional excellence with personal fulfillment requires a touch of magic, a sprinkle of wisdom, and a whole lot of heart.

So today, let’s go on a transformative journey into the art of Time Management.

Time Blocking, Day Theming and Task Batching might sound like confusing ‘Books with seven seals’ , but hold on and take a deep breath. These powerful techniques are designed to honor your introverted nature while maximizing your productivity and joy… and after going through this guide, you will know what to do!

Shall we?

The Power of Time Blocking: Your Personal Diary of Productivity

Imagine having a personal diary that not only records your thoughts and feelings but also guides your day with precision and purpose. Time Blocking is exactly that—a reflective, intentional approach to managing your time.

How it Works:

  • Set Intentions: Each morning, start by setting clear intentions. What are your top priorities? How do you want to feel by the end of the day?
  • Document Your Day: Break your day into blocks, each dedicated to specific activities. This could be work, self-care, family time, or creative pursuits.
  • Reflect and Adjust: At the end of the day, review your block. Did you achieve your goals? How did the day flow? Adjust your approach based on your reflections.

Why it Works:

  • Self-Reflection: As natural introspective thinkers, this technique aligns perfectly with your need for reflection.
  • Structure and Flexibility: It provides a clear structure while allowing the flexibility to adapt to your energy levels and emotional needs.

Step-by-Step Instructions:

    1. Morning Ritual: Begin your day with a quiet moment of reflection. Meditating for 10 minutes? Journaling for 15? A dance session around your kitchen table? Watching the clouds passing by while enjoying your first coffee? Whatever connects you with your inner self is perfect.
    2. Daily Planning: On your time block, list the key tasks and activities you want to accomplish. Break your day into time blocks and assign tasks accordingly. 
    3. Midday Check-in: Around lunchtime, revisit your time blog to see how you’re progressing. Adjust your schedule if necessary to stay on track.
    4. Evening Reflection: Before bed, review your day. Note what you accomplished, what you enjoyed, and what could be improved for tomorrow.

Advanced Tips for Time Blocking

  • Technology – Yes or No?  Start with what you already have, but be open to the idea of using digital tools or apps specially designed for time management and time blocking. These can help you create and visualize your schedule effectively. 

  • Theme Your Days: Some individuals find it helpful to dedicate entire days to specific types of tasks. For instance, Monday could be for strategic planning, while Tuesday is focused on client meetings.

  • PRO TIP: not only schedule your MUSTS! Block also time for SELF-CARE, like a 10 min. ‘Nothing Break’ after a meeting … or commit to your Home Yoga Class by really blocking time in your schedule for it.

Remember the last time you felt overwhelmed by your to-do list? I once had long period where every day felt like a chaotic whirlwind. Then, I discovered Time Blogging. By simply jotting down my intentions and reflecting each evening, I found a sense of peace and control over my days. It was a game-changer.

Day Theming: Embrace the Rhythm of Your Life

No, Day Theming is not about pink ribbons and theme dinner party ( but no judging on that!). Day Theming is about giving each day of the week a specific focus, creating a rhythm that aligns with your personal and professional life.

How it Works:

  • Identify Themes: Decide on themes that resonate with your goals and values. For example, Monday could be “Planning Day,” Wednesday could be “Creative Day,” and Friday could be “Learning Day.”
  • Plan Accordingly: Schedule tasks that align with each day’s theme. This reduces decision fatigue and helps you immerse fully in the activity of the day.
  • Stick to the Theme: As much as possible, honor the theme. This consistency fosters a sense of stability and focus.

Why it Works:

  • Deep Work: INFJs thrive in environments where they can dive deep into their interests. Day Theming supports this by allowing you to fully engage with one type of task or activity.
  • Emotional Harmony: It creates a predictable pattern that can be soothing and stabilizing, especially for sensitive and empathetic individuals.

A Step-by-Step Instructions:

  1. Weekly Planning: On Sunday evening, set themes for each day of the upcoming week based on your goals and commitments.
  2. Task Assignment: For each themed day, assign specific tasks that align with the theme. For example, on “Planning Day,” focus on administrative tasks and strategic planning.
  3. Daily Adherence: Throughout the week, focus on the theme of the day. Avoid distractions that don’t align with the day’s focus to maintain deep, productive work.
  4. Weekly Review: At the end of the week, review how the themes worked for you. Adjust themes as needed to better align with your priorities and energy levels.

What would your ideal week look like if each day had a distinct focus that honored both your professional ambitions and personal needs?

I used to dread Mondays until I made them my “Vision & Planning Days.” Instead of the usual chaos, I dedicated Mondays to setting up my week with clear intentions and goals. This shift made a world of difference, turning Mondays into a day I now look forward to.

Task Batching? The Ultimate Strategy for Focused Efficiency

Task Batching involves grouping similar tasks together and dedicating specific time blocks to complete them. This minimizes the mental load of switching between different types of work and boosts your efficiency.

How it Works:

  • Group Similar Tasks: Identify tasks that require similar types of thinking or resources. For example, batch all your email responses together or dedicate a block of time to creative brainstorming.
  • Schedule Batches: Allocate specific time slots in your calendar for these batches. Ensure they align with your peak energy levels.
  • Stay Focused: During these batches, focus solely on the tasks at hand. Avoid multitasking and external distractions.

Why it Might Work For You As Well:

  • Focused Energy: INFJs have deep wells of creativity and thoughtfulness. Task Batching allows you to harness this energy without constant interruptions.
  • Reduced Overwhelm: By compartmentalizing your tasks, you prevent the overwhelm that comes with juggling too many things at once.

Step-by-Step Instructions:

  • Task Categorization: List out all your tasks for the week and group them into categories such as administrative, creative, or personal.
  • Batch Scheduling: Look at your weekly schedule and assign specific time blocks for each batch of tasks. Ensure these align with your natural energy peaks.
  • Focused Execution: When it’s time to work on a batch, eliminate distractions. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb, close unnecessary tabs, and immerse yourself fully in the task.
  • Review and Adjust: After completing each batch, review your efficiency and adjust future time blocks as needed to improve productivity.

I remember a time when my to-do list felt like an endless mountain. By grouping similar tasks together — like handling all emails in one go and dedicating another block to brainstorming — I found myself climbing that mountain with so much more ease…  and grace!

How would your productivity change if you could focus on one type of task at a time without constant interruptions?

some more tailored and quiet personal tips and insights to help you thrive:

  • Honor Your Sensitivity: Embrace your sensitive nature as a strength. Create a workspace that feels calming and nurturing. Use soft lighting, pleasant scents, and minimal clutter to maintain a serene environment.
  • Protect Your Energy: Be mindful of your energy levels. Schedule demanding tasks during your peak productivity times and allow for breaks to recharge. Listen to your body and mind, and don’t hesitate to take a moment of solitude when needed.
  • Set Boundaries: As an empathetic individual, it’s essential to set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Learn to say no gracefully and prioritize your tasks based on their alignment with your values and goals.
  • Leverage Your Intuition: Trust your gut feelings when making decisions. Your intuition is a powerful tool that can guide you towards what truly matters and help you navigate complex situations with ease. Look at the informations you have and listen to your inner feeling!
  • Seek Meaningful Connections: Surround yourself with like-minded individuals who understand and respect your introverted nature. Engage in deep, meaningful conversations rather than superficial interactions.

okay, let's Bring It All Together...

Combining Time Blocking, Day Theming, and Task Batching creates a powerful trifecta of productivity and self-care tailored to your unique needs! Here’s a glimpse of how it all comes together:

  • Morning Reflection (Time Blogging): Set your intentions and outline your day based on the theme.
  • Themed Day Focus (Day Theming): Dedicate the day to a specific type of work or self-care.
  • Efficient Execution (Task Batching): Group similar tasks and tackle them in focused blocks.

This harmonious approach not only boosts your productivity but also nurtures your sensitive, introspective nature. It’s about working smarter, not harder, and honoring your unique rhythm and energy.

With love & respect

Like free printable templates for daily reflections, weekly themes, and task batches? Let me know. I am here to help.

WAIT A MOMENT: I’d love to hear from you. Share your insights, experiences and questions in the comments below!

( Got questions but want to keep it private? Click this link and let’s have a chat )

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8 habits of unproductive people

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /
A little while back, I found myself engrossed in a lively chat with a bunch of incredibly inventive minds. Now, here's the quirky part – despite their undeniable brilliance, they were stuck in the unproductive maze. It was like a brilliant symphony playing out in a silent theater, where the curtain on their productivity had dropped.
These were individuals who had dazzled with their creativity, yet struggled to wrangle their productivity levels. As we delved deeper, a striking truth shone through – they had unwittingly forged intricate paths, perfect systems if you will, to thrive in the realm of unproductivity.
Their stories were so incredible fascinating, each thread weaving a unique journey into the labyrinth of inefficiency. And amidst this unconventional group, I was genuinely captivated by their accidental mastery of this peculiar art.
Again, I got curious... So I ask them to teach me their Perfect System on becoming virtuosos of unproductivity.
The outcome? An unexpected treasure trove of revelations, uncovering habits, perspectives, and strategies that often lead us astray from our full potential.
Let’s take a closer look how to become a master of unproductivity … and what to do instead. 😉
✔️ Neglect to Learning: Productive people are perpetual learners. Embrace a daily practice of learning – read, research, and absorb educational content that fuels your growth. Transform your acquired knowledge into actionable steps that amplify your productivity.
✔️ Fall for Distractions: In today's world, distractions clamor for attention. Tame distractions by focusing on tasks that genuinely matter. Slash disturbances and allocate specific periods for indulging in diversions, preserving your focused energy for what truly counts.
✔️ Get lost in strategy and planning & postpone action While strategy and planning hold value, it's action that propels outcomes. Find the equilibrium between crafting strategies and implementing them. Remember, productivity thrives on doing, not just ideating.
✔️ Don’t Plan A solid plan is the cornerstone of productivity. Meticulous individuals plot their days, weeks, and hours, ensuring each moment is purposefully allocated. Craft a roadmap that guides you through tasks, transforming your time into meaningful progress.
✔️ Never Prioritizing the Pivotal Recognize the distinction between busyness and productivity. Shift your attention to tasks with substantial impacts. Dodge the trap of investing time in activities offering minimal returns; instead, focus on those driving significant growth.
✔️ Avoid Challenges Achievers embrace challenges and persist through them. Productivity blossoms with unwavering commitment over time. Show up consistently and observe your productivity flourish as you overcome obstacles.
✔️ Get into the Worry Loop Worry is a productivity drain. Redirect your energy into constructive action. Reflect on past accomplishments propelled by concerns, realizing the limitations of excessive worry and enabling focused progress.
✔️ Embrace Procrastination Procrastination obstructs productivity. Transform it into a chance to engage in alternate productive pursuits. Channel your impulses toward tasks that propel advancement and redirect your energy towards meaningful accomplishments.
Become the Master of Your Time !

Let’s face it, we all get the same 24 hours in a day – no more, no less. Yet, those who truly succeed have a secret: they’ve cracked the code on making every second count. They’ve let go of unproductive habits that drain energy and focus. As you bid adieu to these counterproductive patterns, a world brimming with untapped potential awaits.

So, are you ready to roll up your sleeves and design a life bursting with productivity and triumph? 

But wait, I am curious:  What’s your signature unproductive habit, and how do you plan to master it?

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The Anatomy of APOLOGIZING

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

Ever had someone apologize to you in a way that felt more like a slap in the face than a genuine admission of fault?  And, on the flip side, have you ever gotten an apology that felt like a warm cup of cocoa on a chilly day? I’ve been fortunate enough to experience both – thankfully more of the comforting kind. Growing up, my mom was all about good manners and kindness. She had this saying she’d pull out whenever my sister and I weren’t being friendly or forgot our “sorries.” “Put on a smile,” she’d say. And when we messed up, she’d chime in with, “Say you’re sorry – it’s like a magic fixer-upper.” She meant that apologizing could make things better, like sprinkling fairy dust on a mess. Oh, and if we dared to say “sorry but,” well, let’s just say we’d be in for a lecture – and not the fun kind!

Apologizing Gone Wrong

In my  leadership seminars, we give major props to apologizing. Why?  It’s a big deal because, let’s face it,  people simply don’t trust leaders who can’t apologize. Additionally, they need to apologize correctly – there’s a right and wrong way to say it. In my work with couples, I’ve heard a common complaint: “Their apologies just don’t cut it.” (Okay, the real words might be a tad saltier.) 

Whether it’s at work or in personal relationships, apologies can totally backfire if your tone and body language scream “I don’t really mean it.” And don’t even get me started on email apologies – The problem with the latter is that you can’t see the person or hear them – all you can go by is the words and the tone of the email. (Yes, emails do have a tone of voice.)

Apology Fails and Redos

While a heartfelt apology can heal hurt feelings and patch up your reputation, a bad apology can fan the flames and do even more harm than the very thing you’re apologizing for! So, let’s dive into some common apology mistakes, and how to avoid them:

Mistake 1: Apology with a “But”

Saying “I’m sorry, but” isn’t really an apology; it’s more like an excuse. “I’m sorry, but I was having a bad day” may sound like a mea culpa, but it’s really a deflection.

Rectification:  “I’m sorry for what I said/did. I was in a bad space, but that doesn’t make it right. How can I make it up to you?“

Mistake 2: Good Start, Bad Finish

An apology that starts well but ends poorly isn’t an apology; it’s an argument starter. “I’m sorry I did it. You triggered me though…” Hello, disagreement central! Can you hear the toxic cycle of a new argument being born here? I certainly can!

Rectification: “I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t like your tone, but I shouldn’t have reacted that way. How can we do it differently in future?” (We need to understand that it is a two-way street at times, without apportioning blame.)

Mistake 3: The Intent Mix-up

“I didn’t mean to hurt you” isn’t an apology. It’s not about your intention; it’s about your actions. 

Rectification: “I’m sorry for what I did and for hurting you. What can I do to make it better? How can I make amends?”

Mistake 4: Passive-Aggressive Play

“I’m sorry you feel that way” is a sneaky non-apology. It sounds like sorry but feels like sass. Here’s the problem: you can’t be sorry for how another person feels – it’s a way of using the words “I’m sorry,” but without any investment in the apology.
Rectification: If you’re truly sorry, say, “I’m sorry my words/actions had such an effect on you. I will be more aware of what I say and how I say it in future.”

Don’t forget: 

An apology needs to be sincere. It needs to show that the person apologizing is taking responsibility for what they did or said, showing remorse, and sharing how they intend to make amends going forward.

After the Apology

But here’s the hard truth: an apology is  not  enough. You’ve got to back it up with action. An apology needs legs to stand on; otherwise, it’s like a fancy outfit on a mannequin – pretty, but not functional. After the apology, it’s necessary to show, by how you speak and behave, that you’re putting in the work to change.

Being able to apologize sincerely, without getting defensive or huffy, is a sign of maturity and strength. It shows that you’re not too big or important to be vulnerable –  It shows you’re strong enough to admit your „goof“ and fix it. 

So, say you’re sorry and let’s keep the peace. (Thanks, Mom!)

What’s your distinctive approach to mastering the art of apologizing? How do you infuse authenticity and depth into your apologies? Your wisdom is invaluable – share your reflections!

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9 Ways on how to give away your personal power

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

Have you ever felt like life’s reins are slipping through your fingers?

Not too long ago, I found myself engrossed in a conversation with a remarkable woman. It was during one of those everyday chats, when I casually asked, “How are you?” 

But her response was anything but ordinary. 

She painted a vivid picture, describing how it felt as if life’s reins were slipping through her fingers, evading her grasp. 

Intrigued by her metaphor, I leaned in and inquired, “Teach me! Teach me how to give away my personal power.“

Sometimes…

 the most profound insights arise from unexpected moments. 

Let me demystify this for you. Picture this: we take those aspects you’re resisting, the forces that seem to hold you back, and we lay them out, piece by piece. It’s like deciphering a puzzle. 

But no need to take it all so serious – let’s face it, life’s too short not to chuckle at our own complexities. 

But here’s the simple truth: you’re not a mere passenger; you’re the author of your journey… all ways… always!

Now, let’s journey into the heart of the matter. 

Our lovely lady, the protagonist of our tale, arrived at my doorstep with her very own “Perfect System.” 

It was a recipe of sorts, a pattern she unwittingly followed, leading her into the maze of losing her personal power. But here’s the thrilling part – I’m not just telling you her story, I’m revealing the magic wand to reclaiming that power.

So listen, this is a story of  turning struggles into stepping stones, and if you listen closely, I’ll hand you a compass to navigate life with personal power at your side. 

Shall we? 

 1. Tolerate Things You Hate 

A big part of life is putting up with the odd thing we don’t like to make a loved one happy… and there is nothing wrong with that. We all do that. However, constantly engaging in things you hate because you don’t want to speak up IS a problem that will drain your power. Stop tolerate activities or people that you truly hate. Speaking up in this situations.

2. Don’t Speak Up When Something Is Wrong

Sometimes staying quiet to avoid an argument is a strategic move. However, if you find yourself always doing this, you are negating your personal power. Not every battle is worth fighting, but everyone should be comfortable speaking up when their core beliefs are challenged. 

3. Worry About The Opinions Of Others

We all have people in our lives whose feelings we should consider. This includes our closest loved ones, friends, and some other colleagues. However, stop constantly worry about what everyone thinks of you. Worrying too much about the opinions of random people is one of the biggest ways we dilute our personal power. What’s more important: your core values or what someone who doesn’t live your life thinks about you? 

4. Don’t Set Boundaries

After all, „NO“ is a complete sentence. An important part of a fulfilling life is setting healthy boundaries. When you refuse to set boundaries or let people walk all over them, you are giving away your personal power to them. Remember, if people care about you, they will respect your boundaries. 

5. Complain About Other People Too Much

Do you find yourself constantly complaining, gossiping, or talking about other people? This is another great way to you give other people too much control of your personal power. Why would you waste your energy worrying this much about others when you could spend that time on your goals, self-care, or simply enjoying yourself? Tell me

6. Let Others Call The Shots

One of the very best ways to give up your personal power is by letting someone else call all the shots. How can you feel powerful if you never make your own decisions? While staying in the passenger seat might be comfortable, we all need to take the wheel once in a while. 

7. Don’t Listen To Your Gut Feelings

Do you trust yourself? Highly successful people I know have a strong sense of personal power and master decision making on the base of their intuition AND evidence based informations. When you ignore your instinct or intuition, you imply that you don’t trust yourself. Learning to trust your hunches and instincts will help you gain personal power.

8. Change Your Goals Based On Other People’s Opinions

A big aspect of personal power is having goals that you work towards. Your goals should reflect your desires and values. If you allow other people to dictate your goals, are you really living life for yourself? You will have goals that people shrug off as silly or impossible… okay. No one sees what you see even if they see it too. Don’t allow their negativity to rob you of personal power. 

9. Be Hypersensitive To Criticism

No one likes to hear criticism, but if you become an emotional wreck after negative feedback, you give others too much control over you. Criticism is a normal part of life, and you can choose how you react to it. Accept valid criticism and ignore the untrue. 

Epilogue

And there you have it:  The highly effective ways of how to give away your personal power … and  some powerful insights on how to protect your personal power.

But be aware: These steps aren’t meant to merely be read; they re not worth a penny if you don’t take action and implement them into your daily life.

Every choice, every shift, every conscious action propels you toward empowerment. With your hand on the reins, the symphony of your life transforms into a melody of purpose.

with love & respect, Mrs. B.

I am curious: How do YOU master giving away your personal power?  I’d love to hear from you.

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break out of comfort zone

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

My Top 5 Strategies for Lasting Transformation

Every New Year arrives with a chorus of resolutions, echoing promises of change and growth. We stand at the threshold of transformation, ready to learn new skills, embrace new challenges, and step beyond the boundaries of our comfort zone. But why venture into the unknown when the comfort zone feels so inviting? Because the greatest stories of personal triumph and growth are written outside its familiar walls.

Imagine this: a cozy cocoon, warm and reassuring. It’s your comfort zone, a place where routine and familiarity rule. Yet, nestled within it are dreams unfulfilled and ambitions unrealized. Your comfort zone is a comfort trap – a place of inertia, a silent inhibitor of progress.

Here are five dynamic ways to unravel yourself from the embrace of your comfort zone and script your own journey of personal evolution. Shall we?

1. Master a New Skill: The Power of Embracing the Unknown

Picture this: a LinkedIn poll revealed that 58 percent of respondents are determined to learn a new skill this year. But embarking on a learning journey isn’t all sunshine and smooth sailing. The excitement of novelty can wane as the road gets tough. True learning resides in what we call the Learning Zone – that sweet spot where challenge and comfort intertwine. Think of it as the crucible for growth, where your potential is forged. Remember, just like a sculpture emerges from a block of stone, your skills need challenges to chisel out their brilliance.

2. Embrace Novel Challenges and Opportunities: The Canvas of Transformation

Surprises abound when you pry open the door of your comfort zone. Our poll revealed that 34 percent of participants set their sights on a new job. The New Year heralds a period of introspection and renewal. It’s a season for reevaluating priorities and welcoming new experiences. Even if you’re not pivoting your entire career, don’t shy away from new avenues. Imagine this: a business controller in the Netherlands took the opportunity to learn to drive a bus, not for a career change, but for the sheer thrill of novelty. Sometimes, the simplest moments of stepping beyond the ordinary can lead to extraordinary revelations.

3. Construct Positive Habits Beyond Your Comfort Zone: Nurturing Growth

Breaking free from the grip of comfort often involves constructing healthier habits. Consider this: a LinkedIn follower from Taipei  voiced a desire to get in shape, while an British scientist pledged to allocate time for self-care and yoga. Small shifts toward healthier living can reverberate profoundly in your life. Imagine yourself tasting a previously unknown vegetable, perhaps cavolo nero (Italian kale). Just like in life, venturing beyond the familiar can lead to the discovery of hidden gems.

4. Conquer Your Fears: Unleash the Hero Within

Fear often lurks at the borders of your comfort zone, seeking to prevent your progress. Yet, the path to growth is paved with conquered fears. Have you ever contemplated Eleanor Roosevelt’s powerful axiom – “do one thing every day that scares you”? In the realm outside your comfort zone, fear is your ally. It’s your compass guiding you toward undiscovered territories of personal triumph. Imagine this: a writer, Jonathan Hancock, converted fear into fuel as he embarked on a 100km charity run, proving that fear, when harnessed, becomes a powerful force for change.

5. Own Your Journey: Accountability as a Catalyst for Success

For those daring enough to embrace challenges, accountability is your secret weapon. Consider this: enlisting for a charity marathon can elevate your motivation to new heights. Or perhaps, stepping onto an open mic stage can supercharge your public speaking skills. And as you traverse your path of growth, reward yourself for every milestone achieved – a sumptuous meal or a celebratory bottle of bubbly, perhaps. Imagine this: your journey becomes not just a solitary quest, but a shared celebration of your progress.

The comfort zone is nothing else but a graveyard for your dreams & ideas.

So, how do you muster the courage to stride beyond the safe realm of your comfort zone?

Your story is unique – share it with us in the comments below. Let’s start that journey of transformation, where personal growth and self-discovery flourish beyond our comfort’s embrace.

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“Excuse me, But isn’t it rather selfish & unempathic to put m happiness first”

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

I recently was asked this great question… 

Actually this is probably the most malicious myth about happiness at all!

But, it comes in several varieties… did you ever heart this before:
“In a world so full of suffering, you can be happy only if you’re callous and self-centered”⁠
“Happy people become wrapped up in their own pleasure! They’re complacent and uninterested in the world”.⁠

And just to make this clear right from the bottom: These are WRONG!!!!⁠
⁠
Studies show that, quite to the contrary, happier people are more likely to help other people, they’re more interested in social problems, they do more volunteer work, and they contribute more to charity. They’re less preoccupied with their personal problems.⁠
⁠
WHEN I’M FEELING HAPPY… I find it easier to notice other people’s problems… I feel that I have more energy to try to take action… I have the emotional wherewithal to tackle sad or difficult issues… and I’m not as preoccupied with myself… I feel more generous and forgiving. ⁠
⁠

 How about you? 

If you spend time with someone who exudes positivity, and you are more likely to feel positive… Hang with someone who acts like life’s number one victim, and guaranteed, Debbie downer is going to rub off on you. RIGHT OR WRONG?⁠
⁠
It is called EMOTIONAL CONTAGION… and it means the emotions of others can influence us. ⁠
⁠
So if happy people make other people happy, why is it that happy people are sometimes thought to be selfish?⁠
⁠
This myth that unhappiness is selfless and happiness is selfish is misguided.⁠
IN FACT It’s more selfless to act happy. ⁠
It takes energy, generosity and discipline to be “happy”, BUT yet everyone takes the happy person for granted.⁠
⁠
“ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY IS TO MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY; ⁠
ONE OF THE BEST WAYS TO MAKE OTHERS HAPPY IS TO BE HAPPY YOURSELF”⁠
⁠
Everyone accepts the first part of this phrase, but the second part is just as important!⁠
⁠
By making the effort to make yourself happier, you better equip yourself to make other people happier, as well. ⁠
⁠
IT’S NOT SELFISH TO TRY TO BE HAPPY… ⁠
HAPPINESS is your BIRTHRIGHT!⁠
⁠
With all my love. B.⁠

Facts about Happiness you might want to know...

Happiness takes work. Happy people are taken for granted because they are thought of as  naturally happy people or born happy, yet upbeat people have to work at being resilient, bouncing back, rising above, and staying positive. The outside world only sees the happy person and not the effort behind the scenes, so positive people don’t receive credit for creating their sunshine-like dispositions. “Happiness is a work ethic. You have to train your brain to be positive, just like you work out your body,”

what can I do to make sure I'm becoming the best version of myself_BLOGbyBIMAKO

Happy people are overlooked. If happy people are thought to be in selfish pursuit of their own fulfillment and pleasure, consider that the happy person often goes unnoticed. “No one is careful of (a happy person’s) feelings or tries to keep his spirits high,” Rubin says. “Because happy people seem self-sufficient, they become a cushion for others.”  The happy person is expected to lift others up.

Happiness doesn’t mean you lack empathy. Just because your smile lights up a room, doesn’t mean you are blind to the suffering going on in the world. You don’t have to sacrifice your happiness to show the world you are compassionate. “Just as eating your dinner doesn’t help starving children in India; being blue yourself doesn’t help unhappy people become happier,” Rubin says. In fact, happier people are better equipped to demonstrate their empathy and help people because their emotional tanks are full.  “When I’m feeling happy, I find it easier to notice other people’s problems. I have more energy to try to take action and I have the emotional wherewithal to tackle sad or difficult issues, and I’m not as preoccupied with myself. I feel more generous and forgiving,” Rubin says. There will always be tragic stories happening in the world, but empathy is better expressed with giving back and good deeds, than giving up your happiness in a show of support.

Happy people give back.  Happy people are more interested in social problems, more likely to do volunteer work and contribute to charity, according to Gallup Well-being polls. While unhappy people tend to socially withdraw and focus on themselves, happy people turn outward and are more available to help others. And when people give back it only enhances their happiness, says Harvey McKinnon, a nonprofit fundraising expert and author of The Power of Giving: How Giving Back Enriches Us All. “People are hard-wired to give, and when people give to others, it makes them feel better.” Turns out, one of the best ways to get happy in the first place is to do a selfless act—help other people be happy. Rubin calls it a splendid truth: “The best way to make yourself happy is to make others happy, and the best ways to make other people happy, is to be happy yourself.”

It occurs to me, that it’s quiet important to care & fill our own “cup” first… just because of the fact that no-one can pour from an empty cup!  so you want to make a difference in this world, care about yourself. Then… only then… you will be able to give  to others from a healthy and abundant place!

with all my love, Birgit

You got questions? Click this link and send me a message.

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How to calm down the s#%t

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /
blog by mrs.bimako

Retrain your brain for a calmer life

We live in fast-paced times.

You could say stress is part of our daily life! Everyone has to cope with it. And most of the time we master the challenges of everyday life with flying colours, don’t we?

But do you know those moments when you don’t know where your head is anymore and you have the feeling “this will never change. It will stay like this forever”. These are the moments when we have “just had enough”. Hand on heart: Does this sound like someone you know?

 If you feel so stressed-out that you are overwhelmed trying to cope, anxious or even panic about your to-do list… then take a closer look at the following 7 strategies to retrain your brain and learn how to handle stress better & stay calm under any kind of pressure.

Did you know? Stress & Pressure can put the body into “fight or flight” mode – an age-old tactic you probably have heard about. However, this evolutionary process releases hormones that prepare the body for either “fight or flight” mode, to get you ready to either fight or run from danger. In this day and age, our massive daily stress triggers these fight or flight hormones…. even when we are not faced with life-threatening situations. Okay, to us it may feel like our life depends on giving that presentation at work… I know situations like this… But let’s be honest… it’s not holding exactly the same amount of danger as facing a wild sabre-toothed tiger…. is it?

So if we often feel anxious or even panicky, it could be an indication that our fight or flight mode is probably triggered too easily. In this case, wouldn’t it be helpful  to learn how to calm yourself down when you’re entering this state?

7 tips
how you can calm down under any kind of pressure

TAKE A DEEP BREATH … OR TWO

Breathing deeply and slowly triggers the body to stop releasing stress hormones and start to relax. Focusing on your breath can also help to distract your mind from whatever is bothering you so that you focus only on what is happening at the present moment…either around you, nor inside of you.

A wise man once said: ” If you are in your head, you are dead”. Well, it’s a little bit dramatic… but you may see the point of truth in there. If we are not aware what’s happening around us and – instead- are wrapped up in our To-Do-Lists and worries, then we are only functioning… then we are not really living at all. 

Let’s start practicing how to be more present and focus on our breathing, right away. Here is a simple but very effective exercise:

Close your eyes. Relax your shoulders and your lower jaw! Breathe in deeply through your nose –  all the way into your belly and not just your chest. Hold for a moment and breathe out slowly through your mouth. Take a few minutes just to breathe deeply. Inhale – Exhale – Repeat.  After some time you should find yourself feeling much calmer.

If you like I have written down my “3 best practice tips to tap into the present moment easily”. Just click here to have a look at the little article.

GO FOR A WALK IN NATURE

Exercise is just as important as sleep when it comes to keeping stress in check and dealing with external pressure. Exercise prompts the body to release those “feel good” hormones that help you to clear your mind. 

If you’re under pressure at work, just five minutes of fresh air and a change of scenery could help you to feel calmer and gain a new perspective on the situation – you’ll probably realise it’s not a case of life or death anyway.

If you’d like to read more about the benefits of a “Walk Outside” click here to find out how a walk outside can boost your health AND your success.

 

PRACTISE GRATITUDE 

Staying grateful for everything you have in your life – no matter how small – can keep things in perspective and help you to maintain a positive attitude

Studies have shown that people who keep a daily gratitude journal have lower levels of cortisol – the hormone responsible for stress. Try taking a few minutes at the end of each day to write down 5 things you feel thankful for and see how much better it makes you feel.

Writing a gratitude journal may seem difficult at first, I know. Grap a free copy of my “Gratitude Log For Inner Peace” simply by clicking this link.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO VALUE YOU

You probably have a few people in your life who can make you feel stressed just by being around them. While it’s not always possible to cut these people out of your life entirely, when you’re under pressure try to spend more time with friends and family who are helpful, positive, and will lift you up rather than drag you down.

But most of all: allow yourself to be proud of yourself! Remember your strengths, your achievements and your worth.

GET PLENTY OF SLEEP

Let’s be honest: Everything seems worse when you’ve haven’t had a good night’s sleep. Stress and anxiety can often lead to insomnia so you end up in a vicious cycle – not being able to sleep and then feeling worse because you haven’t had enough sleep.

Make sleep a priority, especially if you’re under a lot of pressure. Create a sleep routine, that helps you to calm down. What about creating a spa like bedtime routine that helps you to relaxe? Probably you are the typ of person that enjoys guided meditations that help you to drift into sleep! OR you need a quick but exhausting yoga sequence to kick off our day.

Whatever it is that fits you most: Keep your mind clear and set an intention to have 8 hours of delicious sleep tonight. Unplug from all devices about 1 hour before you sleep.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE

Always imagining the worst case in every scenario is clinically known as catastrophic thinking and can increase anxiety and feelings of panic.

Rather than dwelling on negative aspects or outcomes, try to spend a few moments thinking positively. If your bathroom has flooded and you have to replace all the flooring, for example, this could be a very stressful situation. Yet try to focus on the fact that it gives you the opportunity to update and renovate, and the repairs should be covered by your insurance.

Staying optimistic allows your brain to avoid stress and stay calm.

Are you struggling being positive? Are you facing negative self-talk? Wait a minute. I’ve got something for you: click here to grab a free copy of my “POSITIVE MINDSET CHEATSHEET”.

PAUSE AND MEDITATED

Meditation has been proven to reduce stress and influence your brain waves over time so you can manage your emotions better and stay calm when you need to most.

If you think meditation is all about sitting cross-legged for hours and chanting “om”, you couldn’t be further from the truth – even a few minutes of sitting quietly and concentrating on your breathing is a beneficial form of meditation. You can also try apps like Headspace or 7Mind.

Personally I love guided meditations. You can easily find quiet a lot on YouTube and choose the ones that fit your needs! Click this link, to get to a free “Guided Meditation To Relax Your Mind and Release Stress” by amazing Merissa Peer. Or listen to this one … it’s a guided meditation for relaxation, positive energy and creativity by Mindvalley.

 

 

You can’t control what life will throw at you next, but you can learn to cope with pressurised situations and deal with stress in a healthy way.

Making an effort to practise some of these strategies the next time you feel under pressure can help you to feel calm and able to deal with any situation.

with all my love, Birgit

You got questions? Click this link and send me a message.

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The 6 signs you are struggling with emotional clutter

Leave a Comment / by Birgit M. Okoro /

... and how to clear them out

Okay, let’s pause for a second right here!

I can see you… and I hear you: What (by all means) do you mean by “Emotional Clutter”?

In fact we all carry “emotional clutter” with us… and for sure we all have build some functional “emotional blocks” throughout our life that sometimes prevent us from communicating with others …. and make us feel totally incapable.⁠

You see…

Our past experiences shape the way we see the world and how we relate to others. ⁠
⁠And these experiences often bring out different emotions that we either express or suppress. ⁠
⁠
Really everyone carries emotions that they have not fully processed because of past experiences… and yes: even coaches and therapists do! 😉
⁠
The problem starts if we don’t process these emotions, they can surface in many areas of our lives and make it difficult for us to function…. for example, they can affect how we react to stress, how we see ourselves as a person…. and sometimes they affect our physical health. ⁠Yes, these are all things that accumulated feelings can do.⁠

⁠All those repressed, suppressed and unexpressed emotions and old beliefs that are keeping you stuck, rooted in a spot that probably no longer represents who you are or what you are capable of. ⁠⁠

Actually emotional clutter acts like an invisible set of horse blinders that keep you from seeing beyond what is right in front of you!⁠
⁠
They blind you to potential paths forward and from the resources and options you have at your disposal. ⁠
⁠
But because those emotional blinders aren’t physical, they are easy enough to suppress or ignore.⁠

So here comes the 6 signs you have emotional clutter to deal with, and a few thoughts about how to clear it out…

Sign No1:

Your Expectations of How Others Should Behave Is Distancing You From Them.

Do you have rules for how the people in your life need to show you they love you?

For example, do you “need” your husband to start taking out recycling without being nagged to feel more appreciated?

The problem with this is twofold: (a) it is extremely rare that these expectations are ever verbalised so the other person has no idea he is fouling up… and (b) your focus on what they aren’t doing right often causes you to miss other, real expressions of love.

Sign No2:

What You Should Do Is Making You Miserable or Rebellious.

Just as “should” isn’t a good motivator for others (see sign No1), it’s not a good motivator for you, either.

Rather than bowing to “should dos,” the next time you start to do something because you have to, stop. Take five minutes to consider what you really want to do and why. Then decide to make and follow your own rules in that area going forward.

Sign No3:

You Become “Shivery” Every Time You Scroll Through Your Contacts and See “THAT” Name.

Old relationships that ended on an unfortunate note, whether personal or professional, are part of life.

If you had one, do yourself a favour and get some closure.

Distance is the only thing that will lessen the emotional sting.

Delete the contact information from your phone.

UnFriend. UnLink. UnFollow.

You don’t need to know what they are up to if all it does is make you re-experience a past hurt. Handle yourself this gift of closing that door finally!

Sign No4:

You Feel Guilty Because You Let Someone Down.

Human beings are born to connect with others… and therefore we are used to please others so they like us.

From the time we can walk, we are socialised to share, pitch in and contribute.

The principle of reciprocity serves as a crucial glue for our community-based societies.

But it can also lead you to over-commit. If you’re chronically over-extending yourself, and letting people down in the process, you need to swap your “Sure, no problem” for “That sounds really interesting; let me think about it and get back to you with an answer.” Then use the time to determine whether you want to accept the request.

Sign No5:

You Get This Nagging Feeling When You Think About Someone.

Sometimes so much time has passed since you last connected with someone that you feel guilty just thinking about them or seeing their information in your phone. 

Rather than suppressing the negative emotion, call them!

Ideally, right when you realise you’re feeling guilty. 

If you can’t do it right then, make an appointment to connect with them before the week is out.

Free yourself with this act of courage.

Sign No6:

You Have Tons Of Uncompleted Projects.

There are several reason why you probably won’t finish projects… sometimes you need more informations… you loose interest in the topic… but there is a pretty good chance too that your subconscious mind is trying to keep you safe inside of your comfort zone and stop you from completing that project!

If it is this or that reason: When you fail to complete a project, you not only have physical reminders of it, but nagging emotional ones as well.

Can you see?

The nagging may not be urgent, but it’s there, somewhere in the back of your mind, constantly reminding you that you have something left to do.

If you’ve got one (or more) of these, take some time before the day is out to make a list of the projects you want to complete.

Then break them down into smaller work steps and schedule them in.

If you have a half-started project that you no longer really want to finish, it’s OK. It’s probably better to let it go and be at peace with your decision than to continue to carry it around!

So these are the 6 signs you are carrying emotional clutter with you.

Of course, these tips cannot be for everyone. We are are unique creatures and so are our stories.

If you feel those repressed, suppressed and unexpressed emotions and old beliefs deep insight you are probably  keeping you stuck… please feel invited to send me a message.

I am here to support you and to help you to bring ease and happiness back into your life!

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